the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
