Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
