What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
