i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
