I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
