Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
