Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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