I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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