shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
