I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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