What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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