Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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