I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
