phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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