It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
