If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
In America we eat man semen.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
