Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She's the barista slut.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
