just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
