My balls are so social today.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
