nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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