I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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