lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
