it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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