Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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