If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
