our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize