I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
