I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
