I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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