Do vagina's smell?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
