Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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