He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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