grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
