Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
