from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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