I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
ok first of all what the fuck
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
