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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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