Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
