guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
