best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Pants are for mortals
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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