So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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