Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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