just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
we should paint friendship bongs
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