Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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