Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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