She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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