When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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