I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
