don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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