the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
