I hate your face
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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