so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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