I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
