i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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