I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
