Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I am puke
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
