So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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