Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
