my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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