Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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