My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
