Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
