What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
