Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
