College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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