Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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