You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
