Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
