using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
